The Gym

gymI understand that it’s probably easier to write a piece criticizing the societal tendencies towards shunning nature and favouring the institutions of exercise and fitness known as the gym.  Although running aimlessly on a treadmill like a hamster on a wheel pales in comparison to kayaking on a peaceful lake bathed in sunlight, or skiing on fresh snow in the crisp, wintry woodland air; by simply waiting solely on utopian experiences to work out one’s muscles, we would all end up looking like blubbery Jabba the Hutts.

True, a sprint through one’s neighbourhood is a passable watered-down compromise, but how many times have we witnessed a poor jogger running on the spot to avoid disturbing his rhythm, waiting for the traffic light to change?  Or, going through the effort of planning a canoe trip, only to have mother nature thwart any lingering iota of fun by producing a deluge capped off with thunder and lightning.  My personal favourite remains the bandana and goggle-clad cyclist (to avoid inhaling a lungful of bugs) who appears to be nothing more than a spandex-wearing bank robber without the means of providing a proper getaway vehicle.  Yes, nature is unpredictable and rigged with a plethora of obstacles to deter the average human from experiencing the joy and benefits of physical activities.

Alas, the gym was created to be the perfect microcosm in which to experience the ultimate workout.  Machines are meticulously calibrated to adjust to any desired terrain, elevation and resistance, all while providing the comforts of televised or musical entertainment.  A built-in cooling system and cup holder insures that while statically navigating through virtual mountainous typography, you will be remain in the lap of luxury.  And that, dear blog readers, is why I subscribe to this fine salubrious establishment.  By eliminating all of nature’s interference alibis, what better place offers the outlet to release one’s calories and sweat droplets in exchange for beach-ready body?

*Disclaimer: never embark on this workout adventure without essential earphones to drown out all grunts and groans from juiced-up jocks straining to bench press exorbitant amounts of iron.